MANGOSCOPES

Aries – Your mango tells you one thing while your coco tells you something else. Today they will both meet and determine what psychological problems you may be facing

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Taurus – Although you can be reliable for the first few weeks of a relationship, everyone knows it is just a mater of time before your air conditioner stops cooling and your oil pan starts leaking on the freshly pressure cleaned drive way.

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Gemini - You will be laid off today, not because of cut backs or down sizing, but simply because you are a disgraceful, arrogant, ass hole. You would be lucky to make friends in the unemployment line.  

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Cancer - You should look into spending more time with Gemini’s. You both make people pull their hair out, your presence is never appreciated, and nothing you do can ever make it “A BETTER DAY.”

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Leo -  Good news, you will soon meet your soul mate. Unfortunately, an iceberg will lead to your demise leaving your lifeless body clinching onto a floating door. Be sure to never let go!

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Virgo - Something will happen today that will make you feel as though you are floating above the clouds. In your case, the feeling of being so high off the ground will leave your body paralyzed, meanwhile your mind will panic until you are left unconscious. Shooting for the stars may not be the best idea for you.

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Libra -  Drink, eat, gallop and laugh; for tonight you will be nothing more than a tasty meal for the king of the wild. The circle of life is not favorable for anyone of your species.

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Scorpio – You live your life slithering around eating decent people’s mangos. You show up uninvited and when crushed, you cause much pain. Prepare to spend the rest of eternity bathing in the bowels of hell.

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Sagittarius – Wonder bras, under wire, not even baggy black tee shirts can hide the sand bags you carry by your waste. Be cautious of speed bumps.

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Capricorn – Reveal yourself, your reputation is at stake. Although you are loved year around you only show up during Halloween. You deprive children of having tasty corn treats in July and parents are starting to call you selfish.

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Pisces -  Your foolish acts of self mutilation are pure amusement for your friends and family. With each slash of a blade the laugher grows. Sadly, your acts are not humorous, in fact, they only laugh at the idea of peeing on you when your six feet under. _______________________________________________________________________________

Aquarius – Your drink specials are unbelievable and your decorations are fabulous although your guest list contains all the names of the “Village People”.

 

CON MUCH AMOR,

Los Tipos Del Mango